Genius criminal defence lawyer uses “bad day” defence to get client off

It has been an interesting week at Australian Criminal and Family Lawyers, but one that we will not forget.

As we sat around a round table smoking cigars and drinking hard liquor preparing the defence in our latest case, we thought long and hard about how we were going to defend our latest client, Joe Constables.

Joe had unfortunately thrown a teenager face first on to the pavement because the kid had given give him some “unnecessary lip” as he put it.

Although Joe’s case was that he used an “approved leg sweep” that was “perfectly legal”, there was unfortunately nothing about the leg sweep that was “approved or legal” when we viewed the footage that some bastard in the public decided to record.

The question was, how do we defend something so obviously wrong? What kind of defence could we conjure up for someone who was so guilty?

The defence of Joe Constables

Just when we thought we were defeated, the light-bulb moment we had all been waiting for miraculously appeared when our newest intern yelled out “LET’S SAY HE HAD A BAD DAY”.

It was a moment of pure genius. We could not believe that we had not thought of it sooner. The defence was right there, staring at us in the face.

After years of representing hundreds of clients, it never crossed our minds to raise the defence of “had a bad day”.  It just makes sense, if you are having a bad day, why wouldn’t you slam a kid face first onto the pavement?

It was a breakthrough of such a significance that we decided to give the intern a pay rise of $90,000.

The reality of the law surrounding the defence of “bad day”

Unfortunately, there is no defence of “bad day” at law in the real world. Well at least one that is available to the average citizen.

Unlike Joe Constables world, In the ordinary world, if a person were to commit a criminal offence on any day they will be charged and required to attend court.

Even if the bad day involved minding your own business and eating a kebab on a park bench.

What is the reality of the law surrounding arrest?

Section 99 of the Law Enforcement (Powers and Responsibility) Act outlines the circumstances in which the Police can arrest someone.

We will not discuss every circumstance in this article but what is important to take away from the law is that an arresting officer must be satisfied that the arrest is reasonably necessary in the circumstances.

At law, an arrest is generally considered to be last resort. Additionally, if an arrest is to be undertaken, it must involve the least amount of force necessary to effect the arrest.

These laws are in place to protect everyday citizens from going through the traumatic and overwhelming experience of being arrested, and importantly, from being slammed face first into the pavement.

[This article was written for satirical purposes and the views expressed herein are not intended to be taken seriously. Joe Constables is not a real person or client of the Firm].

If you are in need of criminal law advice please call our 24 Sydney Criminal Hotline on 1300SILENT (1300-745-368) or alternatively 0448 142 113 to get immediate legal advice.